what is ‘Codependency’?
We all depend on someone.
It’s natural for us to connect with others!
But what if those connections leave us feeling drained, or what if we find ourselves giving more than we are receiving?
What if we are so preoccupied by the other person’s feelings that we neglect to take care of our own, or ignore our feelings to keep someone else comfortable?
Relationships should be equitable and fulfilling...so, what’s happening if you aren’t feeling that way?
Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that are imbalanced. When our relationships are imbalanced, one person is giving more of themselves on a consistent basis. Relationships should have a good balance of give and take from each person. If one person is giving far more than the other, that's an imbalance.. No relationship is perfect all the time, but a pattern of imbalance , feeling tense or like you are walking on eggshells isn’t healthy. If you are noticing these patterns in your relationship(s), you might be experiencing codependency.
So, what is codependency?
What does it look like?
And how do you change it?
WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?
Codependency is defined as an excessive reliance on another person. Relying on people is normal and essential, however codependency is relying too much on or enabling someone else. We most often learn these codependent kind of behaviors from our early relationships, when one or more relationship wasn’t always dependable. So you adapt in that relationship and learn different ways to get your needs met (needs like feeling cared for, attention, nourishment, love, compassion, gentleness).
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE
Prioritizing the needs or feelings of another person, feeling responsible for someone else’s feelings, people-pleasing, ignoring your own needs...these are all behaviors of codependency. Codependency can show up in all different kinds of situations and relationships. If you notice you are feeling responsible for how someone else feels, or that you put your needs and wants aside in order to make another person happy, you could be in a codependent relationship.
I feel responsible for how other people feel
I don’t express my anger or frustration in order to avoid conflict
I have a hard time asking for what I need, or I do things people as me to do even if I don’t want to
I am usually the caretaker in my relationships
I often feel like I give more than I receive in my relationship
I put the needs of others before my own
HOW DO I CHANGE IT
There’s definitely hope! You don’t have to be stuck in these patterns forever. Learning to set boundaries, learning self care, understanding what is out of your control, these are all ways to disrupt codependent patterns! It’s possible to have meaningful relationships while taking care of yourself and honoring your emotions.
Keep an eye out for future blogs about setting boundaries, understanding how our early relationships have impacted us, ways to practice self-care and so much more.
If you feel like you might be stuck in a pattern of codependency and want to learn more about how to break free, join our six week Codependency Workshop or schedule a free consultation for individual therapy today!
