I’m “Fine”.

Whether by habit, for fear that the person doesn’t really care, because we really don’t know… “I’m Fine” seems to be the answer we give anytime we are asked, “How are you doing?”, “How are you feeling?”. The more we respond with I’m Fine, the more confused we become by our behavior (crying, isolating, avoidance, etc.). Because ‘fine’ doesn’t explain where those behaviors are coming from we begin to feel like we are losing it.

It’s time to increase your emotional vocabulary.

Check out my YouTube video for some great tips to help you get started (transcript is below).

“Hey guys. Tia with Metanoia Therapy. I am here to help you gain and strengthen skills that will allow you to restore your mind, body, and spirit. Today I would like to introduce you to Emotions and the importance of naming them.

You guys - Did you know you that there are over 100 words that you can use to describe your emotions? I know that most of us use 3 -  like“fine”, “mad”, and “sad”. And some days it may even seem like these are enough. So why bother to learn these other 97+ words?

Well, our emotions matter. We all have them. And we have them everyday. They drive our behavior, our relationships, and our thoughts. And, If we act on what we ‘think’ our current emotion is versus what it actually is, we can make bad decisions that may ruin relationships, and our ability to perform in work or school, and certainly have impact on our self-awareness.

Plus, we need to know how to understand how others are feeling – and mad, sad, and fine, are just not enough. If we don’t have a larger emotion vocabulary, we can misinterpret what they are expressing to us, again causing challenges in relationships or work and school.

Knowing how to label our emotion helps us communicate and express it to ourselves and to others and it also allows us to manage that emotion, instead of letting it manage us.

We can’t resolve something when we’re not even sure whats there, right? So, you have to name it to tame it.

But, What do we need to do in order to name the emotion that we’re experiencing?

• First, we check in with what our body has to tell us – we slow down and pay attention to the sensations we are feeling in our body. Are you feeling relaxed? Tense? Hot? Cold? Tightness? Tingling? And where do you notice this in your body?

• it’s also important to acknowledge what has just happened in your environment, like who were you talking to, what were you talking about, what were you doing? Or thinking?

Once you have some awareness of those 2 things – body and situation, how do you find the right word to match all it? How do we increase our emotion vocabulary?

It takes regular practice. And of course I have some tools to help.

• First, Tool is Mood Apps – Right now, I am loving the ‘mood meter’ app by Yale’s Center for Emotional Intelligence. You start by identifying your level of pleasantness/unpleasantness and your level of energy, high or low, and once you determine where you are in the quadrants, red, blue, yellow, or green, you get to explore for the emotion that best labels how you are truly feeling in that moment.

Of course, there are many other mood apps out there too, which allow you to track your moods over time and most also give helpful tips to coping with that emotion, if it feels uncomfortable. (I’ll share a link to the mood meter and some other helpful mood apps in the comments below)

• Outside of technology, I also love this feelings wheel and have used it for years. Identifying a core emotion in the center of the wheel that feels a little like what you might be experiencing, and then exploring the options until you feel you’ve discovered the emotion that fits best.

These tools and daily practice are great ways to increase your emotion vocabulary.

So now that we have learned that we need to pay attention to our body and what is going on around us in order to name it. And we have tools to increase our emotion vocabulary,

What’s Next?

Well, once we’ve labeled the emotion. We experience it, we Express it & maybe we Regulate it. I’ll explore ways to express and regulate in future videos, but for now I’ll leave you with this…

Sometimes emotions feel good and we just want to hang out there for a while. Sometimes they are slightly unpleasant but definitely necessary to experience, and then sometimes the emotion too intense and feels unbearable… what do you do if you identify the emotion and it no longer feels tolerable?

First, Research shows that sometimes just naming the emotion helps us ‘tame it’. Because Once we acknowledge our body, the situation, and label it, we take away the power of that emotion.

And sometimes that doesn’t do it.

So, one of my favorite tools to distract from that unbearable emotion, is to engage in ‘different emotions’, this is part of the DBT  “ACCEPTS” skill (which I’ll share more about in the notes below). And helps us temporarily distract. An example of engaging in different emotions would be if I am feeling intense loneliness, that no longer feels tolerable, I can practice a peaceful smile, I can call someone to talk, and I can watch funny videos on YouTube. Each of these activities prompts a different emotion from loneliness and likely allows me to experience emotions like thankfulness, hopefulness, or perhaps a feeling of content.

So we’ve reviewed the importance of recognizing your emotions, increasing your vocabulary so that you can label them, and 1 quick tip on reducing intense emotions. 

I hope you’ve found this video helpful. And that these skills allow you space to restore your mind, body, and spirit.

Well, That’s all for now, so, Comment below with any thoughts, questions, and additional information you’d like to share.

And, Thanks so much for checking out this video. Definitely subscribe for more videos just like this. And if you want to learn more, head over to my website at www.metanoiatherapy.com.