mindfulness in action

Mindfulness is one of the four DBT skills modules.

And it’s a game changer.

But it’s not easy.

Recently I had to put it to use and I felt so fortunate that I knew how, otherwise who knows what could have happened.

I was with a friend recently when I asked for some feedback about how I can improve at holding some of my boundaries with the people in my life. Once I started getting the very feedback I had asked for, I became defensive and noticed all sorts of negative thoughts and judgements. At no point did my friend say anything close to “Mel, you are terrible at holding boundaries!”, but that is all I was hearing. And I was getting mad. Luckily, before I let my anger totally get in the way of being able to be present in the moment with my friend, I remembered to use some DBT mindfulness skills. 

Mindfulness simply means being in the moment and noticing yourself and your surroundings without judgment.

To practice mindfulness is to observe, describe, then participate.

• Observing is noticing what is going on in your body, any sensations you’re having, noticing your thoughts, and paying attention to the moment you are in.

• Describing is putting words to what you are observing without judgment.

• Then we can participate and engage in the present moment. 

When my emotions were starting to get in the way of being able to engage with my friend the way I wanted to because I was too busy making assumptions  about what was being said and getting emotionally and physically worked up, I took a mental step back.

First, I OBSERVED the sensations happening in my body and the thoughts that were coming up. To help me notice my thoughts and not get stuck in them, I said to myself “I notice I’m having the thought….”. In that moment, I noticed I had the thought that my friend didn’t think I was capable of  maintaining my boundaries.

Then I moved into DESCRIBING the facts of the moment. I put a description to the emotion I was feeling (defensiveness) and recognized the fact that my friend didn’t say that I am incapable of holding boundaries in my relationships. This was just my own interpretation.

After observing and describing the situation, I was able to come back and engage in the conversation (PARTICIPATE) and take in the feedback without making judgments or assumptions.

Sometimes our emotions or our thoughts can take us out of the moment.

Mindfulness is a skill we can practice at any time to help us feel more present.

If you ready to learn more and start practicing mindfulness (and other helpful skills), join us for our new virtual adult DBT group!